Do for yourself what you do for others!

You'll be dry as a desert if you don't start nourishing yourself.

Do you ever notice that you will work hard at something for someone else? Why is it that you can be dedicated to do something you are good at when you are working for someone else? You will work day in and day out, and study to perfect your craft, for whatever it may be, to climb the ladder to achieve a status for some kind of outside validation. But challenge yourself to to that very thing with the same level of dedication and you run out of steam. You become too tired. One reason may be that you are putting that energy toward things outside yourself. Take me for example, I write for a living and I’m supposed to be writing for pleasure on a daily basis… but.. I won’t finish it there because it will just be an excuse that I shouldn’t give legs to move. So what are you doing? Are you pouring all your energy into pursuits that benefit others? or Are you pouring into yourself by giving yourself time to replenish? Seek to do things that give you joy and serve as a vehicle where you can get lost. This will leave you feeling energized and then the fruits of your labor will sprout, grow, and expand. You will reap what you sow. Don’t sow all your seeds into something that doesn’t feed your joy. Your experience will be nurtured by the thoughts and actions you are fed. You are in control. Remember to be kind to yourself.

Communication Etiquette: How do you handle overstepped boundaries from an unsolicited exchange?

I went to physical therapy yesterday. During the prep time for my session, the therapy assistant pointed out that my glasses were thick. A violation – yes. My prescription is very strong and the frames that I have make that fact not so noticeable. She had to be staring really hard at me to notice the thickness of my lenses. Unfortunately I’ve been wearing glasses since I was 9 years old so my strong prescription is just a side effect of that. I’ve come to terms with it and don’t see why it’s anyone’s concern. Anyhow, she proceeds to ask me why they are so thick and what my prescription is. Ah hem.. excuse me.. last time I checked I wasn’t here for an optometrist visit and was here to receive treatment for my back sprain and spasms following a car accident. So I didn’t know her expertise crossed over into eye wear and eye care.

Being the nice, pleasant, personable person that I am, I didn’t directly address it. She didn’t quite catch on to my unappreciative facial expressions and other nonverbal cues that communicated that she was overstepping a boundary. Also my short and curt verbal responses didn’t stop her from asking me why I don’t wear contact lenses. Maybe I don’t want to wear contact lenses; or maybe you should just mind your bees wax as we used to say as kids. I didn’t know my glasses were offensive to anyone and in my whole entire life of wearing glass as a child and now as an adult, I have never had a stranger ever say anything insensitive to me about my glasses, which nonetheless were a stylish frame, before. So what pressed this stranger on this day? I don’t know. I never had her assist me before. I chose to let it go but realized later on that it’s still on my mind. I did not take offense because, as an individual, my style and the way I dress is not predicated by unsolicited opinions. However, I’m actually disturbed by how people feel that they have the right to address you personally on topics and things and try to impress their opinion upon you about what you should do about something that doesn’t or shouldn’t concern them.

How do you stop someone from crossing boundaries they have no right to overstep? This seems to happen all the time whether it’s a family member, a friend, an acquaintance and apparently strangers like to get their say in from time to time too! Perhaps it’s in the interest of starting a conversation or sharing thoughts that they feel would benefit you. I could directly confront the person but in this case how could I have responded better so that it establishes a clear boundary and allows me to not feel violated by an inappropriate exchange? Instead of brushing it off and deflecting her questions, perhaps I could have responded with the following:

1. Ask- “ Why are you taking such an interest in my glasses?”
2. Say- “ I’d rather not discuss this subject with you.”
3. Ask – “Why do you want to know?”
4. Say – “I don’t appreciate your comment. Let’s talk about something else.”

Often people don’t realize that they are being rude or overstepping boundaries. Ultimately it’s up to you to establish a protective space around yourself and let others know how best to interact with you in an appropriate way.

How would you have handled this situation?

Barometers: Are you under pressure or cooking with pressure?

You have a clean slate everyday that you wake up. You have a chance every single morning to make that change and be the person you want to be. You just have to decide to do it! Decide that today is the day! Say it! Affirm it to yourself: This is going to be my day. I will rejoice and be glad in it.

I have a friend who has a devotional site and sends out points to ponder and reflect on each day. One day a point stood out to me that really made me step back and do some self reflection. I know that we all have found ourselves in the midst of a storm, a conflict, a challenge, or a major setback in our lives. Can you agree? I want you to think back to that time in your life. How did you feel? What were you thinking? Were you stressed? Were you trying to prove a point to someone? Did you feel that you were dealing with an internal struggle?

Now think back to a situation where you were seemingly in control. How did you feel then? Now please note that we are often unable to control a situation, circumstance or a person. However, you can control how you respond.  So let’s bring it back to the point that caught my attention from my friend’s devotional. Are you a thermometer or a thermostat? A thermometer is controlled by the temperature in the room. A thermostat sets the temperature in the room. Let me say that again… A thermometer is controlled by the temperature and the thermostat sets the temperature. Are you affected by what someone says or does, the situation, or the circumstance around you? Sometimes you have no control over any of these “temporal” things which can be or set the temperature of our lives but we can control how we react or respond to those things. We need not take on or accept or allow ourselves to be a barometer for what is happening to us or around us. We can choose to soar like an eagle and fly high and rise above. So I ask you to think about who you want to be each day. Do you want to be the thermostat or do you want to be the thermometer? You can make that call.

A State of Consciousness

"Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I was watching Oprah’s Life Class and she featured a show that reflected on being “present in your life”. It first aired in 2008. There was a woman named Brenda, who was a mother of two and a school principal. Her husband normally carried both kids to daycare and school, but that morning he asked his wife to drop off their 2 year old toddler Cecelia at the daycare facility. It was the first day of school for Brenda. As a principal, one can only imagine the crazy hectic pace that is expected on the first day of school where a swarm of teachers, students, and parents are scurrying around as they began the new school year. What do you think was going on in Brenda’s mind? She was under a lot of pressure to not only get herself and her kids ready in the morning, but to also prep an entire school for its opening. She stopped to buy some donuts for the teachers because it was too early to drop Cecelia off at the daycare center. The child was quietly sleeping in her car seat in the back of her car. Brenda drove to her school and continued on her day functioning on autopilot. It was business as usual, or so she thought.

As I watched the recount of this story, I felt a pit drop in my stomach. Did they neglect to add a detail? I think they did; but no they did not! Brenda continued on with her day. Yes we did not hear of that one key step… that one necessary task that she needed to complete for that day. She never dropped her daughter off at the daycare center. She forgot and left her daughter in the hot car all day. To her dismay, by the time Brenda got word from a school friend who noticed that her daughter was still in the car, it was way too late. Unfortunately this was a tragic end to this story. I wish I could tell you it ended otherwise, but I can’t.

You are probably wondering, “What does this have to do with me?”  Yes I said it, because I know what you are thinking.  It’s ok to have those thoughts. I do not take it personally.

How many of us continue on our day in an unconscious state of being? Are you really aware of what’s going on around you or are you constantly rushing from task to task or obligation to obligation?  We are often decision makers who are under a considerable amount of pressure. Some of these situations can be very serious and critical on top of our own daily responsibilities. We often go without sleep, tend to become overwhelmed with worry about situations that are out of our control, and put our lives and dreams on hold. These sacrifices can often wreak havoc on our very own health and well being.  Guess what? Sometimes we do suffer from the “superwoman” or superman” complex.  Do you constantly try to take care of everyone or try do everything all the time?

WAKE UP! Take a conscious look at your life.

Don’t let a tragedy that could have been prevented be the conscious wakeup call that you need! Seek ways to slow down and realize that you can’t do it all. Ask for help. Say no sometimes. Get some rest. Take yourself out. Call a friend just to shoot the breeze. It all doesn’t have to be done today. Doing some of these things will help you be a part of life instead of life passing you by. I know that Brenda wishes she could go back in time and change what happened on that dreadful day. Her baby was sound asleep; she made no noise; she did not cry. Don’t let busyness, overwhelming responsibilities, and stress keep you from being present in the moment of where you currently are.

Immortal words of Oprah Winfrey, “ This very second, you can wake up and become conscious of the life that you are living.

 

Top 4 Questions You Need to Ask Yourself

What are you doing today?

Before you do indulge for the day, take some time to reflect on the past week. Perhaps this is something you can do each Sunday. You’ll develop strong resilient muscles and will be able to go about the days in your week on purpose and be able to handle anything that comes up.
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